HOW TO START SAYING "NO" MORE OFTEN WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY OR UNCOMFORTABLE

I have been trying to pin point a moment when pronouncing one particular monosyllabic utterance in response to a favour or an offer became a reoccurring challenge since I grew out of my toddler years. If you are too at a loss when it comes to saying no - that's okay, because in today's blog post we are going to take on the psychological point of view that explains the whys - why do we say yes when we really want to say no? - and the hows - how do I start saying no without feeling guilty or uncomfortable?

First, I am going to start by telling you a little bit about my experience and how I got to feel confident in saying "no" without being or sounding like a douche. The thing that we all have in common is the fear of offending the person that came to you, whether it is a manager who is asking if you could take an extra work load or a friend. We are all pleasers to one extent or the other, however what is important to remember that sometimes saying "yes" to everything can lead to more problems than a simple "no". For this reason, I have chosen to focus on the work dynamic between the employer and an employee (you and your manager) and how we can get you to feel more comfortable at saying "no" at work.

According to my research, the poll that I did over on Instagram, 72% of you felt more comfortable saying "no" to a friend than your boss! Now, of course your friend is not going to have the same influence over your payroll or schedule, but it is okay to say "no" if it keeps you focused on your own goals.

Recently, I have gone in for a job interview that went well so I got offered a trial shift. You see, when it comes to employment, you have to remember that as much as a job position comes with a set of requirements, so does your labour. The supervisors on my shifts liked my attitude, my set of skills, my ability to communicate enough to recommend me for a second run of interviews. As much as I loved being in the company of my potential colleagues and saw an opportunity to perfect my existing skills, ultimately what the job role had to offer wasn't enough for me. I called in the next working day, first thanking them for the opportunity but on another note,  I felt that the job position wasn't what I was looking for and because I value people's time as much as my own, I had respectfully declined their offer. As a result, it was exhilarating to feel in charge of myself, to be the boundary setter and the decider.

In an exciting work environment, "no" makes your "yes" more meaningful. Psychologists put it this way, when we say yes thoughtfully, because we are giving in our area of expertise, rather than saying yes out of a need to be liked, we re far more apt to feel satisfied by giving. Having said that,  it is important to find your voice that will strengthen your ability to say no while lowering its cost to your relationship with your superior/s.

Replace dry and harsh sounding no with a "I'd love to help out, but I won't be able to ..." due to other commitments outside work or the work load that you already been signed to. People are understanding and still prefer quality of your work to outshine the quantity (of jobs, hours that you have put in and been able to complete to a certain standard).

Think it through. No one is expecting an answer out of your straight away, unless it is something urgent. But, let's be honest if its not an immediate "yes" then there are things worth considering. Tell the person that you will check your schedule and get back to them asap.

I hope that you have been able to find this blog post helpful and if you have any more tips that you'd like to share with us - leave them in a comment section down below!